The Green Death

Malcolm Hulke The Green Death (1975)
I'd rather not describe what set me thinking about maggots, but it was fucking horrible and put me in mind of this, a novelisation of a TV serial which I hadn't thought about in a long time. There was a point at which just about everyone seemed to remember the one with the maggots, and with good reason. I was seven at the time and it was fucking terrifying, now hanging in my memory as one example of why certain parties wanted Who pulled from the schedule - because it was a kid's programme and it scared the living shit out of us.

The only way for any of us to relive episodes back then was by purchase of the inevitable Target novelisation, and so here we are, a full half century later hoping this thing still packs some sort of punch.

It kind of does for the most part, at least with allowances made for my being older and presumably wiser. It's a children's book based on a children's show, regardless of what the kidults will tell you - because occasionally there's a kid's show which grown-ups can enjoy without feeling entirely ridiculous, so the goalposts can stay where they are, thank you very much. The story wherein corporate interests inadvertently bring a swarm of giant maggots into being through their casual attitude to the environment is faintly ludicrous in terms of hard science - not significantly more plausible than whatever was running in the pages of TV Comic at the time - but is pretty solid as an allegory and massively entertaining. Hulke did a great job of communicating this in prose so peculiarly breezy that it would probably take longer to watch the thing on the telly. I don't think he left anything out, or there surely can't be much, but he does well with the grey areas even while reducing the basics of plot to primary colours.

'I recall a time, Dr. Stevens, when Great Britain could regard itself as a sovereign state, answering to no-one but its elected Parliament and its monarch,' the Brigadier said. 'Now, it seems, we can be told what to do by international business companies.'

The problem with Who in a general sense has been that it was never as amazing as its most delusional enthusiasts would claim, because nothing is that amazing; but at times it has been pretty decent in spite of its many, many limitations - none of which have anything to do with a special effects budget, I hasten to add. When everything blessed with the logo is the most brilliantly brilliant thing ever, it sort of means that none of it is, so taketh ye not thine cultural recommendations from persons without critical faculties.

The Green Death was pretty fucking great, all things considered, because it did what it set out to do without any of the focus group box ticking to which subsequent reincarnations became subject. Witness Pertwee's single devastating tear as he parts ways with his faithful companion in comparison to the gushing boo-hoofest which flooded from the screen when we thought we were finally getting shot of Billie fucking Piper.